Here I go again on my own...

#56782349

2011-08-13T00:46:00.002+10:00

So...
You know how my flatmate was a f**king retard?
Well, guess what?
She still is.
So we need some repairs done to our house, its a bit old and falling apart etc.
So this week I organise a builder to come and fix it etc, so I email my 2 flatmates and tell them this and tell them that the builder is coming on Friday at 7.30am.
This is the important fact, as the builders will mainly be in the bathroom. so my email to the flatmates pretty much said:
'Don't be in the bathroom after 7.30 as the builders need to fix t and do stuff in there ''
Pretty straight forward right?
So I emailed flatmates again yesterday just as a reminder.
My alarm goes off this morning.
I get up, have a shower.
It is before 7.30
The builders knocks on the door and Ilet them in, and guess what happens?
Idiot face gets up and goes ' Oh I need the bathroom'.
I take a deep breath.
What?
She goes 'Oh , I really need to have a shower'.
Um, hello!
Builders are here now!!!
Like I said in my email that they would be here.
The mail that I sent you twice!
F**k sake, what else do I need to do for this woman!!
So the builders say, they are just quoting so wont be long etc.
So I take them to the bathroom and show them what needs doing etc.
And old dosey bones just stands there looking at us, waiting for us to be out of the bathroom so she can use it.
To be honest, I did talk more than I need to and kept them longer than necessary, I did this totally on purpose.
Then she somehow goes away, back to her room.
The builders leave.
Then half an hour later I leave for work.
Ad she cones out if her her room and says...
Oh are the builders gone?

I couldn't actually say anything.
I just looked at her and left.

Babies

2011-08-11T02:54:00.002+10:00

A lot of my friends have babies.
That is great.
I love a baby.
Bring them on.
It there is a bay around , I will have it, I will hold it, I can feed it, whatever you need.
I love those babies.
So, these friends of mine.
The ones with the babies.
Are doing somethin gthat drives me bonkers...
This one thing about that they are all doing lately...
Sunglasses.
baby sunglasses.
Why the f**k would you put sunglasses on a baby?
I don't get it !!
I mean come on, its not necessary is it?
This stupid plastic pick elastic strap sunglasses things on the babies.
They look ridiculous!
Sure its sunny sometimes, but keep your baby in the shade if you don't want sun in its eyes.
When I was a kid no one had baby sunglasses and we all turned out fine so why now do babies need sun glasses?
It is crazy.
And really, if one more person asks me how cute I think little baby looks with glasses on I think I may vomit on the baby.
Really, do I have to answer!
Please.
So so unnecessary and stupid.
What a joke.
And don't get me started on babies with earrings...
O.M.G

How awkward...

2011-08-01T21:40:00.002+10:00

So this is a picture of Princess Eugenie, it was taken this Sunday at a royal wedding.
Those royals love a wedding, and so do I .
Please note the blue dress she is wearing...
I HAVE THAT DRESS!!!!!
I love this.
And I also wore it to a wedding,
I think that a royal wearing a dress I have is amazing.
She is 6th in line to the throne, which is pretty impressive.
Not that I would even wish to think of anything bad happening to the other 5 in front of her.
but technically she could be queen.
So I have a dress that the maybe one day, could possibly be Queen of England is wearing.
Brilliant.
One small note...I wore this dress about 1.5 years ago, so she may be a little out of fashion, but whatevs, I think she still looks nice it it (but clearly not as nice as I did though...)

Best not to say anything...or lie.

2011-07-27T00:29:00.003+10:00

Example 1.

Last week I had a bad day, real bad day.
To fix this, I went shopping and bought myself a pair of lush new shoes.
Tan leather, cross over the toe, sling back heels.
Hot.
So my BF comes over and we go out for dinner.
On the way to dinner he ask's if they are new shoes.
I say yes, do you like them?
He says, no.
Excuse me?
He says, I don't not like them, I just don't like them as much as your other shoes.
Wow.
Thanks.
So my new shoes, I just bought, you don't like.
He tried to back peddle out of this one by saying how nice they are and that they looked great with what I was wearing blah blah blah.
That actually the more he looked at them the more he liked them.
Um, too little to late buddy.
But what can I do.
My BF did not like new shoes.
So I have decided to only wear these new shoes from now on when I am with him.
Saturday breakfast - new shoes.
Saturday night - new shoes still.
Sunday- still with the new shoes.
Seeing him tomorrow - will be wearing new shoes.
All the time, from now on, these are the only shoes I will wear.
I am sure he is getting the point here, I am presonally not sure what the point of this excercise is as I am a bit bored myself but I am clearly doing this out of spite.
But hopefully it will learn him that next time it is better to just lie and say he likes them.
I would prefer a lie anyday when it comes to stuff like this.
The only bonus to this is that I haave already broken them in so they are dead comfy already and also my cost per wear ratio is already practically making me money.
But 0 points to you BF.
0 points.

Hi...

2011-07-19T20:12:00.002+10:00

Um...Hi.

So, feel a bit bad about the old blog, have kinda left it for a bit to long here.
Sort of like that time I bought a parsley plant at the supermarket instead of the packet parsley and then completely forgetting to water it and it died. I had the best of intentions but just sort of forgot about it for a while.

I have 2 idea's for awesome blogs that I am going to start in the winter, they are seasonal so once I have some stuff on there I will share but I will have to try to remeber to pay more attention to this one as I really like it still and 5 years on this blog still does what I wanted it to do.

Update.

2011-05-05T20:06:00.003+10:00

I have been ignoring the old blog of late, not due to lost love for it, more due to lack of time.

So here is a quick overview of recent activity.

I had a holiday to America which was fab, went to LA then Coachella festival and then Vegas. Was an all around brilliant time.
Those American's though, man they like to free pour their spirits.
And man, I can not handle it.
Think the worst was the night out before we where due to fly home on 3 seperate flights.
There is nothing like throwing up in an airpirt bin as you are making your way to a conecting flight wit hnot much time to spare.
Not my finest moment by any means.

We had a royal weeding in London.
My street had a good old knee's up - this is cockney for 'a party'.
So a big street party which was lots of fun.
Met lots of neighbours, and ate and drank and played with random kids.
All came to a very abrubt end when some speakers fell out of a 2nd floor balcony onto a girls face.
Bad times.

My job has exploded into the busiest most horrendous job ever.
Had to work on a Sunday and a public holdaiy which I was not happy about, but I get 4 days holdiay back in return so jokes on them when I bugger off for a week and they will have squat to say about it.

I have joined twitter.
Its strange.
I am not twittering much, more following people. The thing I dont get, is that celebrities love to have a cry about the paparazzi and being followed etc, thn they are all on twitter telling us all what they do at all times of the day.
Weirdo's.

Think that is it for now.

I am done with dates.

2011-03-30T23:02:00.001+11:00

I am not having much luck in the old dating game at the moment. Bachelor # 1 canceled cause he got made redundant and was not in the mood. Fair enough but how about a wine to make you feel better? Then today I had a date planned for tonight, am wearing new top and jacket especially for that smart casual mid week date look and now bachelor # 2 has cancelled because he has Plurisy! What? What is this disease?!?! Who gets this Plurisy?? I had to google it to see what it was, but I have never heard of anyone having this before. Either they are making this shit up because they don't want a date with me or I am having some serious bad luck on my ROI. Next, I bet I get a cancellation for Scarlet Fever or Cholera!

To old to have fun.

2011-03-25T01:10:00.001+11:00

I am starting to fell old.
I am starting to feel my age.
I thought I looked about 23 unitll only recently when my bestie told me this was so far from the truth and she could not stop laughing.
Seem I clearly look my age, or even older.
This was news to me.
Last night, I took my work team out for a night of fun.
We went bowling, in an alley full of teenages.
We also went on the Dodgem cars.
I love Dodgems.
But my old bones don't seem to enjoy them much.
Oh. My. Word.
I am the sorest I have ever been in my life.
I can now feel my whole spine, all my bones, my muscles and all the other stuff inside my body.
I clearly have masses of internal bruising and have probaly torn or ripped something inside me.
I have to walk super slowly and and also slightly limping on the left side and my left knee feels like it could snap at any mooment.
Wow.
I am sore.
Now I have to get to the airport and get on a 2 hour flight, that will be enjoyable.
Cleary to old for dogem cars.
Just to old to have fun anymore.
:(

Craft. Love craft.

2011-03-23T04:47:00.002+11:00

I love craft.
Love making things.
Lots of arty crafty things.
Like sewing, knitting and now crochet.
Last night I finished my first crochet.
It is a cushion.

I know this is not cool.
But you know what?
I am not bothered.
Because these are my skills.
And if I am honest, I don't really have an other skills.
I can't sing.
I can't act.
I am no good at running or sport in general.
I am not clever.
I can't spell very good.
I am not really talented in any way.
All I am good at is craft.
I am good at craft.
And jigsaw puzzles.
Maybe they are related somehow...
But craft mainly.
Look at my cushion.
I made it.
The whole thing.
I taught myself off the Internet.
I am very proud of my work here.
Yes, its a bit wonky.
And yes the colours are a bit gross.
But look at it.
For a 1st crochet attempt, I think it is pretty damn good.
Next week, I will be looking into learning macrame and other skills from 1972.

Under cover of Darkness.

2011-03-15T23:23:00.002+11:00

I am a big fan of the Strokes.
Have been for a while.
I first heard them in 2002 when my friend Annica made me a CD of cool songs.
She was from New York so clearly was cool and in the know.
And then ever since then I have slowly and steadily fallen in love with this band.
Today, I have listened to their new album on repeat no less than 10 times.
I have been waiting a while for this album.
I have been happy with their old stuff but still I was eager to hear the new stuff.
It has not disappointed.
It is similar to their usually stuff, but I like that.
It sounds like the Strokes and to be honest, I would of been disappointed if it sounded any different.
They have not come out with anything really different, there is no big change.
It is music that I like in a style that suits them and I am well impressed that they have not going mental and put some techno eclectic hardcore sh*t in there.

So far my favorite of the new tracks are:
Metabolism
Under cover of Darkness
Call me back
And I have been checking out the new video clips as well, and I love this performance they did on SNL.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PDL_qDZmE7M

If you don't choke looking at Miley Cyrus and her vomit inducing introduction then watch this clip and witness just how cool these guys are.
I don't think they could give 2 sh*ts about being there and I love that.
They could not be cooler if they tried.
All in all, I am very happy with this new album it has made me most excited about seeing them.
The end.

Nutso.

2011-03-08T22:59:00.001+11:00

My flatmate has lost the plot.
She is crazy.
Crazy banana's.
Coco Loco.
She has lost the plot.
I thought I would give her the benefit of the doubt, but no, she is crackers.
So, a few weeks ago I hear her come home and hear her chatting away.
I assumed she has a friend with her.
So talking talking.
Talking away.
Then she come down stairs and still talking.
And then she comes into the kitchen, still talking.
And she is talking to herself.
Like a full on conversation with herself.
Now, I have the odd word with myself , I think most people do.
But she was having a full blown conversation!
Talking about her day, the weather, what she was having for dinner.
Nuts.
She is totally nuts.
And it was not a one off either.
Since then, I have heard her on a few occasions chatting away.
Crazy, totally crazy.
I think I will have to get her sectioned.
Nutso.

Not funny.

2011-02-24T23:45:00.002+11:00

Last night I went to a comedy show.
A stand up comedy show.
I like comedy.
I have seen some comedy before.
Mainly big time comedians like Ricky Gervais and Chris Rock.
Those guys are funny.
Really really funny.
And I think that is the key to being a comedian.
You need to be funny.
Last night, the comedians where lacking this vital ingredient.
So there where 7 acts.
1 of them was good.
These rest were horrendous and cringe tastic and bordering on offensive.
Actually , they where just plain offensive.
If I was a lesbian, a Muslim, if I was black, wore a Burkah or had epilepsy I would of picked up my chair and thrown it at the stage.
Is it ok to make fun of people who are black or Muslim??
I am not sure.
It wasn't very funny to 2 of my friends who I a was with who are both black and Muslim.
And this one stupid girl comedian started making jokes about epilepsy.
She said oh its ok, cause I have epilepsy, so I can joke about it.
Really?
Because no one laughed when you tried to joke about it.
Why is that? Well, it is because...its not funny!!?!?!?!?
Then the next guy gets up and has his jokes written on his hand.
Um, I know it was just a local stand up in a pub but really?
Do you want to look anymore like this is your first time.
I paid £5 to go to this shit tip of a pub and for what?
Then after the show all the loser comedians where hanging around the bar, asking people what the thought.
there really is no nice way to say 'I thought you where shit'.
So not sure I will be going back to the comedy thing.
And I am certain I wont be seeing any of the z grade comedians on a panel show or a comedy special any time soon.
Really, I hope they have day jobs as the seemed to miss the memo about needing to be funny and making people laugh in order to be successful at being a comedian.
Oh dear.

LOL

2011-02-15T20:41:00.000+11:00

LOL
What does this mean?
I have no idea.
LOL
What is it all about?
I mean, I see it , I have read it, but I don't really get it.
So I meet this stupid hot guy.
This Mediterranean, Latino Spanish dude and he gets my number and text me to ask me out.
Great, ill go, whatevs, he is hot..
Then we are texting and stuff and he asks me something.
I reply in my usual witty, funny way.
Then in his response he writes LOL.
WTF?
What does he mean?
Why did he feel the need to write LOL in his text.
I mean, up until that point it was all going so well.
His text where good and I was excited to meet him for a drink.
But know all I can think is that he will be LOLing all over the place.
I always think that LOL is a really European thing, like some code in text speak that Europeans use lots.
So maybe that is why he uses it.
I don't get it.
LOL
What a load of LOL.
I will meet him for a drink but if he says LOL I will vomit,.
Do people say LOL or is it only written?
Man I am confused over this LOL.
LOL.

Flatmate

2011-02-02T01:16:00.000+11:00

A genius she is definitely not.
So last night I get home and go to the kitchen to cook dinner and she comes into the kitchen straight away to talk to me.
well, when I say talk.
I mean whinge.
She is un decided about going out and this is basically the conversation that we had:

Her: I cant decide if I should go out...
Me: Why
Her: Because I want to go to this talk, but I am not sure.
Me: Then don't go
Her: But I want to go
Me: Then go
Her: But I think I have decided not to
Me: Ok, then don't go

Pause

Her: I really want to go
Me: Then go!
Her: I will be late
Me: Then don't go
Her: But I would have to get ready
Me: So don't, go like that
Her: I cant go like this
Me: Then don't go

Pause

Her: OK, I am going
Me: Great
Her: Should I get changed?
Me: No
Her: I think I should
Me: Ok, then get changed
Her: I wont have time
Me: Ok

Pause

Her: Ok, ill get changed and go
Me: Ok
Her: Ok

Seriously, if there was ever a case to not have just 1 child, then my flatmate is the example.
Cause I swear half of her problems and retardness steams from the fact that she had no one to play with growing up.

Skills

2011-01-31T23:40:00.000+11:00

I got skills to pay the bills.
Well, not really.
But I got skills that save me money, so then I can afford to pay the bills as I have not spent all my cash on night club entry.
So Saturday night, was going out for a birthday at a club.
Got a text from my mate to say that the club we where going to was £16 to get in.
Really?
That is not going to work.
So, we get there.
Everyone gets in the que.
I do something, go talk to someone.
And then we all get in for free.
Yep.
I am the winner.
Same thing happened recently on work trip with my new job.
Was in Milan on my 3rd day.
15 people including clients could not get into a club.
Somehow I managed to wangle it.
That was £300 worth of door charge.
New boss thought that was pretty impressive.
Skills.

I am to funny.

2011-01-12T21:56:00.000+11:00

So was seeing this guy for a few dates.
Then we had another date planned.
He cancelled and never re scheduled.
So I am not getting in touch with him.
Not going to ask him for another date.
He cancelled, he should re organise, no?
So I hear nothing.
I am over it.
Christmas comes, he sends me a lame text.
I ignore it.
Then Jan comes, he text me again.
So I text him back.
We are doing the , what is going on text...
What you been up to , boring text sh*t.
So he ask me if I have any New Year resolutions.
I say yes have heaps.
He says what ones?
I say...
To stop going on dates with jerks.
No response...
I think this was hilarious, one of the best things I have ever texted to someone.
But he clearly is not amused.
Oh well.
If he cant take a joke its clearly not going to work out.
but he was training to be a doctor...that could of come in handy.

Revenge

2011-01-11T02:41:00.000+11:00

Saturday night.
Went out for a few drinks
Got home with hot chips and garlic sauce.
Ate them.
Went to bed.
5 am.
Wake up.
Am the most dehydrated person in the world.
Need water or may die.
So drag myself out of bed..
Get to kitchen.
Turn on light.
Look at sink to find a glass.
There is a mouse.
Just sitting there.
Staring at me.
I swear it gave me the finger before it jumped off behind the fridge.
I tried to scream.
No sound came out.
Had to get a drink from the bathroom tap instead.
Back to bed.
Couldn't sleep for fear on mouse getting into bed with me.
Sunday morning set traps.
Peanut butter and 59p work of spring loaded black plastic.
Monday morning.
6.45am.
Snap.
Me 1, Mouse 0.

Hate women.

2010-12-22T23:20:00.000+11:00

There is lots of stuff that I hate about women.
There is lots of things that I love about them to and I think there are some great benefits to being one but then again, there is some sh*t that I hate so much and some women that totally let the side down, they should be d listed out and made to start their own team
There are the ones that read their boyfriend text's and go through his emails like a psycho, and then find out that he is cheating.
I hate those kinds of women
One of my best friends did this recently, really if you are looking for sh*t like this you are going to find it.
I also hate women who find out their boyfriend is cheating on them and they stay with them.
Really?
You can't find someone else to go out with, that you are happy to stay with someone that has been screwing around behind you back.
I suggest you dump him.
Again, a friend recently did this and is now pretending everything is ok...I give it 6 months.
But of all the women I hate.
I hate the ones who put their makeup on in public the most.
So I get the tube every morning.
It is a bad start to my day.
And often I will see women doing their make up.
Now, I don't just mean a bit of lippy or gloss.
But I mean the whole thing, a full face of make up.
Really, is this necessary?
Can you not do this in private?
This morning the woman opposite me did the works.
She started with concealer, then foundation, then powder.
Then eye shadow, eye liner, mascara, .
A bit more powder.
Some blush and some lipstick.
It was horrendous to watch.
dabbing and patting and brushing and applying it was really all a bit to much.
Think of the stupid faces you pull when putting your makeup on, now no one needs to see that shit at 8.30 on the tube!
Once I saw a woman curling her eyelashes before she put mascara on.
Really?
You are giving away all our secrets.
Do you not want to leave a little to the imagination, I guess not.
And the best bit, is that the woman form this morning did not look that great after she had slapped it all on, so what is the point of it all???
You are quite happy for everyone else to see you primp and pose and pull retarded face whilst you try to sort out your face.
Its to much.
I hate it.
Seriously, how long does it take, about 10 mins to do you face, you cant get up 10 mins earlier and do it at home?
Idiots.
Stupid women and their stupid make up in applying.

Yep, so I am the winner.

2010-12-15T22:01:00.000+11:00

Got home last night to a letter...from BUCKINGHAM PALACE!!!
Yep.
I wrote to the Queen to sat congrats on the engagement of Will & Kate and I got a letter back.
It said, thanks very much for my letter and my best wishes etc.
Its on proper royal paper with a embossed stamp and everything.
Its amazing.
I bough tit in to work today for show and tell as no one believed I would get a letter back.
I showed them.
Me & the Queen are pen pals.

In other news.
My flatmate is a stupid racist.
She was crappy on last night about some drunk guy on the bus.
And mentioned about 20 times that he Japanese.
So I asked her how she knew he was Japanese and why did that have anything to do with it.
She said, oh I can tell he was, by the way he was acting.
What a douche.

Famous people on the tube.

2010-12-08T22:25:00.003+11:00

I love famous people.
Who doesn't?
Famous people doing non famous things are my favorite type of famous people though.
Red carpets, glitzy parties, that is their job.
The is nothing great about working.
I want famous people doing mundane day to day shit.
This morning, on the tube.
There was a really famous person.
He is a film director.
He has won an academy award.
So that makes him pretty famous.
and I was just watching his film on Saturday bight, so what a weird coincidence.
No now really noticed him.
He does looks like a normal bloke just getting the tube, writing in his note pad.
I wonder what he was writing?
Maybe a new film?
Maybe a new academy award winning film?
I loved today's tube ride more than ever.
I was hoping he would ask me to be in his next film.
He didn't.
Maybe he will ask me next time.
If I see him 3 times I will talk to him.
Cause then I have a story and a reason to say hello.
Amazing.

I said brrrr, its cold in here!!

2010-12-03T23:24:00.000+11:00

Its snowing in London.
Which makes it freezing cold.
Like negative degress.
I pretty much hate it.
So I sit at my desk dreaming of Mexican holidays and pina coladas.
But, I have to get on with it.
So last night I went shopping for warm clothes
I bought socks, socks so think I had trouble getting my boots on.
I bought tops.
Lots of long sleeve tops.
And a jumper.
It is dead set the best jumper I have ever seen.
Its more like a blanket with sleeves.
It is massive and its Alpaca wool so so so warm and toasty and was a total bargain to, think they may of even priced it wrong...
It also has a mega naff winter pattern on it, with snowflakes and stars.
I have never been more cosy in my life.
So much so that this morning on the tube I had a bit of a nap and missed my stop so had to get off and go back 2 stops.
Idiot
But warm idiot.

Ouchies...

2010-11-30T04:59:00.001+11:00

I went out on Friday.
I feel over.
Twice.
I now have a bruise the size of Texas on my bum.
Also, my a**hole friend stood there and laughed at me, laughed as I fell.
So once I was back up I went slightly ballistic at him!
Then, by the time I fell again, he was swooping me up before I got to hit the tiles but I still managed to hurt myself.
I blame, the shoes.
5 inches of brown wooden goodness does not make for appropriate dance floor footwear.
I also blame the 172,000 drinks I may or may not of drunk.
But mainly I blame the shoes.

Grrr...

2010-11-24T04:24:00.000+11:00

I hate my flatmate.
Nothing new there.
But she constantly seems to amaze me with how much of a di*k she is.
Sometimes, I think she is fine but no, she goes and is a retard again and then I go back to realised she is insane.
So.
Last night.
I came home, went down to my room and noticed that my fur jacket had been taken off the stair banister.
It had been put in my room.
Weird.
So I put my jacket on the banister, which I always do.
And put the fur jacket back there to.
So then later I am watching TV in the lounge and she comes home.
And then comes in tho the lounge room and say, I have moved your fur jacket again.
She tells me that it freaks her out.
So she had to move it again.
Um really.
It freaks her out?
Its a fake fur jacket.
Does she not realise that she also has a fur jacket and then a parka with a fur trim hanging up in the hall way??
WTF?
I don't get her at all.
I have tried to understand but she is clearly mental.
Then she brings in a a bowl of soup and eats in and makes so much noise.
Really it is because I totally hate her but her eating soup nearly made me spew.
So I had to leave the room.
Man I hate this woman.

Love.

2010-11-17T04:46:00.000+11:00

I love the royal family.
I love them.
I am 100% behind them and all that they do.
I once went to Buckingham palace when they opened it in the summer and I loved it.
I love reading about them
I love watching programs on them.
I love it all.
Today, it was announced that Prince William is going to marry Kate Middelton.
I am really really excited.
At work, we have already discussed that we will be lining the streets to wave and cheer them on.
Its to exciting.
Imagine marrying a prince, who will be the king.
Geez, no pressure there then...
I am truly happy for them.
I wish them all the best.
And I may even send a card, because did you know, if you write to the Queen you get a response.
They have these women who right back on behalf of the Queen.
To every letter that they receive.
They send you one back.
Now that is dedication.
I love them.
Love that royal family.

GT's all around...

2010-11-11T01:13:00.001+11:00

New job, new job, new job!!!
I have a new job!!!!
To say I am excited about this is the understatement of the freaking year!
I also had a brilliant birthday.
I then had a lush date x 2.
And my bestie is back with her BF.
Good times are back again!!!!

I bet Chris Issak knows how I feel.

2010-11-02T21:48:00.001+11:00

I got the blues.
The pre birthday blues.
The I need a new job blues.
The my best friend is being screwed around by her stupid bf and I want to punch him in the face blues.
I got the blues.

What you scared of?

2010-10-27T04:32:00.001+11:00

I don't think have any real phobias, there is nothing that terrifies me or leaves me scared to death.
I am not a massive fan of height but its not like I will die if I go up a tall building.
And I don't really like the dark, but that's ok, i just do go out in dark areas that much.
Anyway.
I guess lots of people do have phobias and some may be stranger than others.
Today at work I was wearing my new black velvet skirt.
It is lush to the power of 3 is soft like a baby seal I am basically in love with it.
So I was standing next to a girl at work & looking at some spreadsheet and she was like, um, can you move over a bit.
I said, sure why am I to close to you?
She says, no its just I am scared of velvet.
Hey what?
So of course I asked her touch my skirt, she looked like was going to vomit.
Apparently she gets a total gag just thinking about it, so basically she is not a fan of my new baby.
And then I remembered I used to work with this other guy who was scared of Rocky Road.
It was to funny.
Once he ran away from some that was left on his desk as a present.
I also love that if someone tells you a weird phobia instantly your brain thinks, how can we make them, touch, eat, smell or whatever to the thing they just told you that they are scared of.
Why, to see if it is true?
I don't know but velvet and rocky road...its to good.

News just in...

2010-10-25T21:46:00.001+11:00

I jsut got this email , what a nut bag...

I'm sorry if I offended you with the £8 price of toliet rolls on the board, I assumed you'd got confused, as they're usually £4-5.... I just wasn't thinking..
Annnyway, I guess I was just tired after having spent quite a few hours cleaning the fridge/house yesterday. The bath was looking so dirty I just couldn't bare having another shower in it..... I should've mentioned something to you, but I didn't want to as you had a hangover...

Really, what do I say to this...
I am done.

I bought some toilet papaer yesterday.

2010-10-25T21:34:00.001+11:00

Nothing amazing about that, but as I have the pleasure of living with two strangers I will be damned if I am buying toilet paper for them to use for free.
So when I ever I do this, or whenever they do it, we just write it up on the chalk board in the kitchen and then pay each other back.
It has always been like this and this system works.
So like I said, I bought some loo roll yesterday.
It cost £4 for a pack of 9, was on special, amazing.
So when I got home I wrote it on the board and then remembered that I did not write it down last time, so I wrote £8 instead.
So a few hours later I was in the kitchen again and noticed that my f**king dumb a** flatmate had scrubbed it out and written £5 instead!!
Really, are you mental?
Well, we all know that is true but seriously who does she think she is??
Instead of asking me if she to see if this was wrong, she just goes and changes it herself, to what, maybe what she thinks it actually cost me...
Um, get a f**king life and don't tell me how much money I spent, when I know exactly what it cost me you nut case!!
So I get the chalk out and write over her £5 in the biggest messiest writing ever with a massive £8, about 3 times the size of everything else on the board, so it is so bleeding obvious that I am writing £8 not a £5.
I swear if she was home would of punched her square in the nose.
Man, she reeks of only child and is possibly the most selfish and self centre person I have ever met.
If I see her tonight I can not wait to ask her why she changed it and then I will have to restrain myself form ripped my hair out in total frustration for her utter ignorance to anyone else but herself.
I swear she is dead set on believing that the whole world revolves around her and her fat a**.
Stupid stupid flatmate.

Zits are sh*t. Fact.

2010-10-22T00:38:00.002+11:00

When will I stop getting spots?
I don't get many, which is lucky but every now and then I wake up with one...really am I not old enough now to not have to deal with this?
And today I have a super important job interview and I have a f**king zit.
I could cut my face off I am so angry.
Do I leave it and just have it winking at me in the mirror?
Or do I do some surgery and try to get rid?
Or do I stack on the make up and pretend like its not there?
Arghhh!?!?!
So annoying and after interview have date....seriously, could this timing be any worse?!!?!?

Single girl activities.

2010-10-20T20:58:00.000+11:00

Me and my bestie figured something out the other day, and its gold.

We all know that being single can be hard work.
It can suck the life out of you but then again, it can be not that bad.
I am impartial really, I don't mind being single, then sometimes I love it and sometimes I hate.
But it is a part of life and really it does not rule my life if I am in or out of a relationship.
Other girls though are defined by there singledom and what they do in order to deal with this.
This is where single girl activities come into play.
So in order to 'keep yourself busy' single girls go out and do activities and stuff to take up their time.
I guess in an attempt to not sit at home crying and wishing for a boyfriend.
Cause if they had a boyfriend they would be spending time with them and doing stuff with them so in order to occupy their time, single girl activities come into play.
My flatmate is a perfect example of a loser single girl, well old lady really as she is hitting the big 40 this year...
She is currently doing a whole bag of activities.
Last night she sang in a choir at the local city farm.
Really.
Could you be any more lame?
Then on Thursdays she has life drawing class at the local church hall.
And every other week she meets up with other depressed single girls to go watch a film together.
Seriously, what is wrong with going to a film on your own??
And to extend the activity past just a day, last weekend she went hiking up a mountain with a bunch of strangers.
Please.
Its to sad.
And not content with her own boring life, she tried to interfere with mine as she has recently tried to get me into the single activity shi*t.
The other night I was knitting.
Its winter time, I like to knit.
I do it as a sort of repetitive brain zone out in front of the TV once a week and it makes stuff so I enjoy it.
She asks me if I have heard of the local knitting circle.
What.
Are you mental?
Do you really think I want to sit around with a bunch of lonely women and talk about getting dumped and how to do a pearl stitch.
Really, I would rather have my toes removed.
My bestie was saying she went on a holiday with a friend and whilst they where on the beach the other girl pulls out a sketch pad and a pencil and starts drawing.
What?
Are you ok?
She asked her what the hell she is doing and she replied that is helps her to relax.
Please, you are on holiday, on a beach, on a deck chair in the sun.
Just lie down .
There. Relaxed!!

So take note, do not sign up for any classes or activities if you are a single girl as you will look like a massive LOSER!!!

Just going out for a glass of wine, then straight home.

2010-10-02T01:25:00.004+10:00

As if.
This never happens.
Cocktails, wine, more cocktails and wine later...
Deep breathing on the tube home so to not vomit everywhere every time the tube pulls into a station.
Then get off the bus a stop early to walk and get fresh air.
Then hot chips with garlic and chilli sauce.
Standing in my kitchen eating beetroot out of the jar.
Trying to drink water but getting the hiccups cause I ate the hot chips in about 0.7 seconds.
Crawl into bed.
Room spinning, a bit clockwise, oh no, its anti clockwise.
Then the next thing, its 7am and my 3 alarms are going off and my head feels like its exploding in my ear.
I finally get to work about 45 mins late.
I have done 1 job today.
I loaded 8 bookings onto the my system.
I have done this about a million times, no joke.
Its should take oh, about 10 mins.
Its tool me 3 hours!!
No wor dof a lie.
It was the most stressful thing I have ever done.
Now, I am just sitting here.
Drinking coke.
Waiting for a socially acceptable time to go home.
Need bed.
Stat.
Never drinking on a Thursday ever again.

Hot Pal

2010-09-30T03:02:00.002+10:00

There is a strange smell in my office today.
It is a food smell but smells weird.
Sort of like hot dog food.
Which is a bit gross but makes me think have no food at my house and I'll be honest, I am not going to the supermarket any time soon.

On another note, Id just like to share an excerpt form an email exchange between nutbag flatmate and my real estate.

Let me explain the situation first...

We have a ledge in the shower that gets a bit mouldy, so you clean it and then its ok, then it gets mouldy again in this cycle.
My dumb ass flatmate thinks this is the worst thing in the entire world and it clearly makes her life not worth living as she brings this up with the real estate every second day.

So today there was a email exchange, which makes me laugh my face off and also hang my head in shame...

Real estate email:
The Landlord has agreed the remedial work but please would you all note that once the silicone to the bathroom window has been replaced with a plastic trim it will be Tenants responsibility to keep this clean.

Douch bags response:
Thanks for informing us of this work.
Please note: we do keep our bathroom and house clean, it was impossible to keep the black mold/rot at bay as the water was just pouring onto the wooden window sill due of the angle of it...and as a consequence the silicone was just coming away and the window frame has become rotten.
We are all professionals, and take care of this property.
I have lived here now for 10 years.

Oh dear, she really needs to get out more or in fact, just get a life in general.
Saying ' we are all professionals' is maybe the dumbest thing I have ever heard.
I do not want to be grouped in a 'we' with her ever, cause that would insinuate that I care and I clearly could not give 2 sh*ts about the bathroom.
Its has a bath, a toilet, a sink.
Job done as far as I am concerned.
Until the mould grows legs and come to tap me on the shoulder whilst I am brushing my teeth then I am not to fussed.
And to think I have to go home to this sh*t tonight.
Man I need a boyfriend, if only for the fact I could stay at their house instead of my own.

I would really like to write a book about my experience of living with the professional weirdo but think thats already been done.
Damn it.

I totally would.

2010-09-27T20:45:00.000+10:00

Attack of the stupid house mates

2010-09-22T03:19:00.002+10:00

So housemate number 1 is being a mental case - no news there...she is hiding her tooth paste again so I don't use it.
Please, when will she learn!
When she does this it only encourages me to clean the toilet with her tooth brush.

Housemate no 2 who is usually perfect and great for doing man stuff like killing mice and taking out heavy trash bags had a massive fail last night.
He 'lost' his keys and wallet, when I say 'lost' I mean he left them in a bag at the gym and someone stole them.
So last night was spent fearing for our life while waiting for robbers to enter our house rob us.
Luckily this did not happen and we now have new locks so we are again safe.

Tonight, what am I doing you ask...
Well going home to spit in her toothpaste as I know where she hides it and then I'll have an argument with him over why I am not paying to get new keys cut...sorry champ but was not me that left my brain behind and lost all my stuff!

So after 3 years 6 months and I made it back to Sydney.

2010-09-20T21:40:00.001+10:00

Caught up with everyone I wanted to, well except for a few numpties that couldn't be bothered, sorry but I am on a schedule and I am defo not moving my shit around to suit you. Like Kanye says, 'I am in the club for a limited time'.
I did things I liked to do like walk across the bridge, caught a ferry, went to the markets.
And most favoritly caught up with lots of awesome friends.
Makes me realise how good my friends are and that 3.5 years later no one really changes.
What can I say, it was good. Its was homely. Its not London.
But then again, I don't want it to be.
I am now just like Batman, which I have always wanted to be.
I have two life's.
One in London and one in Sydney.
Both are equally as good and different.
Maybe one day Ill have a third life and move somewhere else...
Till then I will do this London thing for a bit and keep my 1 metre square storage unit in Sydney.
Nothing is permanent till that gets shipped over.

Belguim = waffles and beer.

2010-08-24T00:49:00.002+10:00

I love a festival and I always forget how much I love it, till I am there. Just got back form Pukkelpop in Belgium and its was freaking awesome.
Saw heaps of cool bands and DJ's and had a fun fun time.
The camping in a field a thousand miles away was also not to offensive either which was a nice change.
Next year we will go to another country, the plan is to go to a new country each year to a new festival till we have done them all.
Thinking maybe Cochella though...could be massive...
I also got to enjoy Josh Homme in all his ginger Elvis glory whilst I was there and I have a new boyfriend to.
He is the singer is a mental band called Gogol Bordello and he is a filthy gypsy but strangely hot.
I totally would.

Happyness is a Bonds tshirt.

2010-08-02T20:58:00.000+10:00

Lots of thing make me happy.
Lots of really simple things.
Getting a new bad for example...makes me really happy.
The satisfaction of building it and then the first time you get to sleep in it...man I had a good nights sleep last night.
And then today, I am wearing a black bonds t shirt.
So good.
Love a bonds T shirt.
Always have, makes me feel Australian.
Then listening to Extremme 'More than words'.
What a great song, brings back a million memories, but what a song.
Wearing red lipstick, always a winner.
Having a Falafel for lunch, so healthy and so tasty.
So in summary, today is quite good, lots of lush simple things to make me happy.

Todays song...

2010-07-07T00:16:00.000+10:00

Bad boy for Life.

Today I listened to this song a million times.
I am not kidding either, I had it on repeat all day long.
I know at least half the words.
It is dynamite.
I think P Diddly is a knob but this track is the bizzle my nizzle.
I want to be a bad boy for life.
Stat.

I admit, I like some massively sh*t music.

2010-06-30T20:48:00.001+10:00

I bought the Celine greatness hits the other night, the uber cool guy in the record shop gave me a very odd look which I swiftly returned to him, I thought about saying, ' Oh its for my mum' but no, I am not embarrassed, I am not ashamed.
I love Celine, I embrace her and her ballads.
Later that night whilst I was belting out her hits and when I could actually hear my neighbours laughing at me, I was still not embarrassed, seriously if you do not appreciate the song ' Alone' you have not lived...well maybe you have, but you should really listen to this song, really really loud.

Anyway, Nickelback, another really sh*t band that I love who I listened to all day today... 'All the right reasons' , what an album, it is gold and these are a snippet of my favourite songs :

Follow me home - sounds like a stalker song, it is about a guy following some girl home but not in a weird way, I would also like to be called a Mississippi princess or a cowboy queen, this is also a good song for strippers to dance to.

Animals - my favourite track, I want to be the angels of someone's ride...its about a couple getting fresh in a car and her dad busting them, its classy.

Side of a bullet - what is not to love about having your name on the side of a bullet, but I think that means you are going to die...

Oh Nickelback with your bad hair and bad songs that are so bad they are actually good. Delivering naff Canadian rock to me since 1996. I would actually go to see this band, as long as they only play stuff I know and as long as I get to sit on some fat rockers shoulders for the whole gig

How to mend a broken heart...

2010-06-25T01:16:00.000+10:00

Lots of ways to do this really.

Most people say, go out and get blind drunk...but this is not for me as I will self destruct in a explosion of bad language, late night text that I should not send to people who don't want to receive text at those times of the night / morning.

So instead I am looking to get a cat.

And also listening to fu*k loads of Celine Dion.

And spending more time and money on my appearance than I have ever done before, in a hope that I bump into Jensen Button and he wants to date me.

Freckles are sexy

2010-06-24T21:59:00.002+10:00

Can't touch this.

2010-06-23T02:42:00.001+10:00

I am wearing Harem pants which are commonly refered to as Hammer pants and I am right now listening to MC Hammer.
I crack me up.

Cravings

2010-06-21T21:30:00.000+10:00

I love a craving, I get them all the time.
Most commonly they are nostalgic cravings for food in Australia.
The other day I was thinking about Sao biscuits. Man, what I would give for a Sao, you really can't beat a Sao for a snack.
With nothing on them or with some cheese and tomato or Vegemite, Sao's are so dry but so good.
Just lush dry biscuits, like water biscuits but maybe the key is the squareness of them...
And cruskits, I love a cruskit, can't get cruskits here.
I have to settle for stinking Vita Wheat, which is hard and brown, not crispy and light like a cruskit or dry like a Sao.
But yesterday I had a pang for a strawberry milkshake from McDonald's which thankfully I can get here!
Now, I admit when I have a massive hangover I am partial to a Fillet O Fish meal but I can not even remember the last time I had a milk shake from McD's... I must of been about 10 or 12.
It had been a long time and I tell you what, they have not changed that recipe one single bit as it tasted exactly the same!
Whilst I was walking home and enjoying it, it bought back many memories, like the time I went to the McDonald's drive through with my friend Samantha and we were in her dads electrical truck as he had picked us up form school, and then another time my dad took me and my sister to McDonald's. Just random memories of going to McDonald's and having a strawberry shake. My sister always got Chocolate but I am a Strawberry fan through and through.
Fascinating stuff this is, really.
And now today I got a craving for Kraft plastic cheese, which always tastes better when you fold it into little squares.
Man, when I come back in September I am spending a good day in the supermarket and then I am just going to eat my face off and reminisce about good food times.
Sao's & Cruskit's, Kraft plastic cheese, Arnott's Pizza Shapes, Lime Cordial and a good Pad Thai...

Viva la Tina

2010-06-16T02:04:00.001+10:00

Now I am sure I have mentioned this before, but I freaking love Tina Arena.

Is it a bit embarrassing... sure, maybe a little, but screw it.
I love her.
If you wants easy listening, non offensive music that you can sing along to and you know all the words of without having to read them, then Tina has got a song for you that will get you through the toughest of days.
What is not to love about any of these:
Chains
Heaven help my heart
Wasn't it good
Show me Heaven
Sorrento Moon
Burn
Now I can dance
I want to know what love is
Really, her songs are freaking awesome. And she sings in other languages which is talented. Beyonce also does that and so does Shakira but neither of them have a ballad as good as Chains.
Through my darkest moments, I know I will be ok as long as I got Tina on my side and on my Ipod.
Tomorrow I will detail my love for Celine Dion...

I am going to write a book...

2010-06-08T01:06:00.000+10:00

Just like that book, 'He died with a Felafel in his hand'.

You guessed it, its going to be about my a**hole flatmate.
I know this is not news but I really really hate her.
I would move out but I cant find anywhere nice to live. And she is never going to leave so I am stuck with her, it makes for good stories but seriously I wish she would just disappear.

So the latest is this...
We got a letter from the real estate about our lease, its up and are we staying on.
We had a chat about it last week, and we all said we would stay, so that is that.
The letter is in the hall on the table and we have a month to reply.
So this morning she leaves this big psycho note on the mirror saying, '' WE HAVE TO CONTACT THE ESTATE AGENT ABOUT THIS IF WE ARE STAYING!!!! ''
Um, ok, no sh*t nutcase!!
Then she come out of her room and goes 'did you see my note?'
What do you think, you wrote it in a black marker pen on fluro pink paper!!
Of course I saw your note, the whole world has seen your note!

So then today, the mails start form her...
Whine whine whine, we need to do this, we meed to do that. We need to do the garden...
How abut, I could not give less of a sh*t about the garden right now.
If you want to do the garden, then you get your fat troll a** out there and do it cause ill be damned if I am arranging my life around pulling out weeds and I most definitely do not want to do it with you.
She says, 'Can you let m know if you are home tonight to do it cause otherwise I will go out'.
Really, do I care?
No.
Will she ever figure this out?
No.

Winning Rocks!!

2010-05-27T04:12:00.000+10:00

I entered some comp in a mag, where I just had to email and I don't really remember but I won!!
So I get a night in the Mayfair hotel which is mega mega fancy, then we get a pamper is the spa bit, then drinks reception and a private movie screening and champagne breakfast.
So lush.
Think I may jack off the movie screening and just hang in my mega posh hotel room and swim in the pool and drink champagne.
Love winning a competition, today was a good day.

left left right.

2010-05-19T02:53:00.000+10:00

I have a problem and have no idea how to fix it.
It is basically driving me both mental and broke.
So, I wear shoes, most people do. All kinds of shoes and I have to always gets them re soled and re heeled which is annoying and expensive but I wear them out, maybe cause I walk lots of places in them.
My day to day shoes can wear out in like 6 weeks, its real annoying.
The thing that bugs me though is that the left shoe always wears out before the right.
Why is this?
Am I fatter more on the left side of my body?
I don't get it..
Cause for ever step I take with my left, I take one with my right so it cant be uneven.
Its not like I am going left, left, right.
Why does this happen?
And the guy at the shoe shop knows it to.
Granted I get a discount cause I take so many pairs of shoes to him but has noticed that its the left that goes before the right and this is costing me way to much.
One of my life mysteries...

How things change..

2010-05-13T23:41:00.001+10:00

Never in my life would I think I would find myself writing the following in an email to a friend
''I just realised I cant do next Wednesday.....I go to the gym now on Wednesdays and don't want to miss my class''

Wow, who am I ??

So I joined up at the gym to do their boxing class, and man it is hard work.
Running, boxing, kicking, squatting, more running, sit ups, push ups, weird body dips and more running and boxing at the same time.
It is exhausting just thinking about it and the sweat. There is so much sweat.
I swear the instructor loses about 4 litres of body sweat as he gets so worked up with yelling at us and telling us what to do.
Part of me is like...who the hell are you to yell at me..oh that's right.. I am paying you to do that, so carry on.
But basically, I now like nothing more than punishing myself by doing an hour of hard core boxing class but you know what, after 3 weeks I already feel better and considering that I have to get into a bikini in 3 weeks its a god idea that I skip that cake and go to my class.

My flatmate is an a**hole # 476539

2010-05-10T21:39:00.000+10:00

So I ran out of toothpaste the other day, toothpaste costs about 50p a tube, so I used my flatmates...twice. So that would of been about 0.13p worth of toothpaste.
The next morning I go to brush my teeth again and use her toothpaste and she has taken it away.
Are you freaking serious?
She had moved it to her shelf instead of leaving in on the sink where the toothpaste always lives.
What an a**hole
It is tooth paste, its not gold!
I used it twice, its not the end of the freaking world you stupid selfish only child who can't share!!!
I was so close to getting her tooth brush and flushing it in the toilet or getting her toothpaste and taking the lid off and spitting in it.
What a stupid woman she is, I can not put into words how much I hate her and everything she does.
And she wonders why she has no friends and can't get a man...um... maybe cause you act like a complete retard, it's just a thought!!

Many things I wonder...

2010-04-30T21:56:00.001+10:00

What would I look like if I had red eyebrows like my red hair?

Why do my jeans always go baggy around the knees?

Why does my bf dress like its the 90's still?

When will win the lottery so I can quit my ass job?

Who goes to my work toilet and does not flush?

So many questions...

Day time TV sucks.

2010-04-21T03:22:00.000+10:00

I had yesterday off work.
Had some weird feeling like I was going to spew all day so went home to bed and slept, only way to cure things I think.
I also, watched some day time TV.
Man, there really is crap on during the day.
I hate my job that is for sure but its a bit better than staying home and watching day time TV, there is seriously nothing on!
Until...6pm
And The Simpson's is on
It was the ep where Marge get a new Car, the Canyonero...it a big 4 x 4 and she gets road rage blah blah blah..
The highlight for me was Bart, who was in the kitchen with Lisa and goes ' hey Lisa, guess who I am ?'
And he pulls out a chicken skin, and steps into it like a pair of pants and goes ' I'm Baron Von Chicken Pants'
Its killed me, I was in tears, crying with laughter.
Baron Von Chicken Pants
It is to funny.
I am still laughing about it now.
Little Bart, in a chicken skin, as a Chicken Pants.
Kills me, just kills me.
The only good thing about being sick is Bart Simpson in a chicken skin.

Blue dress

2010-04-12T21:56:00.001+10:00

I have a blue dress that I LOVE!
It was cheap and its awesome, I have worn it twice now both times I have had interesting feedback.
First outing I got a few comments, the best being told I looked like a cake decoration...hmmm.
Cake is not really the look I want.
Today I am again wearing the dress, BF thinks its 'pretty' not sure I want to be pretty, but then a guy at work asked me if I was pregnant.
Now, this could of been a joke, but it didn't go down like a joke.
So thanks, i will never wear the dress again..
What a jerk, pregnant, so what if it is a bit flowy and billowing?
Its spring, you are meant to weary flowy dresses aren't you?
Come to think of it I was offered a seat this morning on a really packed tube so maybe this could be a blessing in disguise.

Best day of my life so far...

2010-04-01T02:44:00.002+11:00

So yesterday....
I was in the same room as Jared Leto.
We breathed the same air.
I went to a radio showcase thing though work and watched him and his band play some songs.
To say he is hot is the freaking understatement of the century.
This man exudes sex appeal.
He is lush.
The hair, the smile, the voice.
Oh.my.goodness.
I am still coming to terms with it.
And when he left he said see y'all soon..
So I said...at Download ( this festival they are playing that I am going to)
Then he says..yes, see you at Download, rock on.
Oh my god.
I died.
So technically, its a date.
I am dating Jared Leto.
I am done.
Life is complete.
So so complete.
Jared for ever.

So this week has been rather good...

2010-03-27T05:26:00.000+11:00

Went to a party and spent the night perving on David Gandy - was a hot piece of ass.
Got invited to a private 30 seconds to Mars gig, so will get to meet Jared Leto, just fainted typing that.
Got a new GHD hair straightener with a 40% discount, so will no have amazing hair every day.
Got a free ticket to Download festival.
My friend gave me a new MAC lipstick.
H&M have a new Autumn line and I got some lush dresses, one that I am wearing today, I did get told I look like a cake decoration buy whatevs It kind of a complement...no?
And the big one...I booked a ticket home for a visit 1st time in 3 1/2 years.
So, yep, good week. good times all around.
Now where is my BF, cause I have not seen him in ages and I will be honest, I miss him. Want to see his dork face now thanks.

Holy f**king Moly!!!

2010-03-25T03:11:00.002+11:00

So cool sh*t comes and goes with my job, sometimes its a bountiful occupation other times its like a flipping desert storm has ripped across my desk.
But today, the heavens opened and the best thing that may have ever possibly happened to me in my life has happened.
I have been invited to a intimate gig at a radio station.
There is a band playing.
The band is 30 seconds to Mars.
The lead singer is JARED LETO!!!!!!
Oh dear goodness me!
I have no idea where to begin to describe how this makes me feel.
I have been to one of these gigs before and its basically 20 people in a room and the band.
So next Wednesday I will be less than 2 metres away form him.
This man is and has been for years in my top 3 of men of all time.
I may actually faint.
I love him as an actor, he is brilliant.
I love him in his band
You can not deny his hotness, he is hotter than the freaking sun.
No really, I could pass out form the excitement of it all.
I went to see his band a few years ago and they are great, mainly because of him.
I am taking my camera for shiz and I am talking to him, fact.
I am also not eating anything between now and I will go buy a new dress just for the occasion.
This could quite possibly be the best day of my life.

Next Wednesday, me and Jared Leto in the same room.

Help me now, the thought of this is just to much to bear.

News flash ladies...ROBERT PATTERSON IS NOT HOT!!!!

2010-03-19T04:25:00.003+11:00

And no, I have not seen the Twilight movie or read the book but don't give me the vampires are hot crap cause honey, I am down with the neck biting and the staying up late but really, get a
grip.R Paz as he is called he in swinging London was at some movie premier last night for some rubbish new film he is in and he looked like this...

Um...what is hot about this?
He permanently looks stoned, he is so pale he is almost translucent, and his eyebrows are to far apart.
I don't get it.
I admit, I have liked some ugly men in my time and my taste in not to everyone's like, I like a tortured soul you see, which usually comes with a tortured face, its endearing.
But come on people, wake the hell up.
He is not hot!!

He looks odd and washed out, almost grey and his girlfriend, she is a stoner to.
Together, I bet they just sit around all day getting high and talking about how much pain they feel and the constant struggle they have between their soul and their emotions.

F**king ugly Robert Patterson, I am sick of his mug.
Get the hell out of my town.

Karma

2010-03-11T01:15:00.002+11:00

Its a funny thing.

I would say I am a big believer in it, but that steams from guilt.
If I do something bad, I feel guilty, so I try not to be bad so then Karma does not come and get me.
I have had my fair share of ' I told you so' or 'serves you right' which I think are all Karma related.
So, last night, I get on the bus and there is a big fat juicy wallet on the floor.
I pick it up..don't even open it to take the cash that was bulging out and give it to the bus driver.
Now, that was one good dead.
I was pretty shattered after work so didn't really stop to think what else to do, I just did the good part of the option.
The bus was packed and heaps of people saw me do it, including two hobo's, seriously if they tried a little harder they would of seen it first, but they were to busy being smacked out junkies to notice. Fools.
Any way, I am now waiting for the Karma police to turn up at my desk.
I just spilt beetroot salad down my new dress so that sucks, and its not what I want.
I want good stuff to happen please.
Heaps of good stuff to come my way.
A new job perhaps, a winning lotto ticket. A free holiday. Any of these things I would like.
Come on Karma.
I am ready for you!

Smoky goodness

2010-03-09T04:35:00.001+11:00

There are many things I miss about Australia, and it was three years since I had left just the other day..time sure does fly past.

But I have said it before, the things I miss are simple and yesterday one of the things I miss the most I do not have to miss no more...I am a massive fan of smoked food.
Smoked Cheese, smoked wood flavours crisps, smoky anything and smoked flavoured tuna in a tin is one of my life's great pleasures.
I think about it all the time, I crave it like a pregnant lady and in an ideal world I would eat it about 4 times I week. Nearly every day when I think of lunch, I wish for a tin of smoked tuna.. Its healthy, tastes good and is cheep, what more do you want form a food!
So yesterday in the supermarket, I found what I think may be my saving grace..It is new and holy moly I bought a lot of it, I hope it tastes ok!
I was doing the usual, looking for anything smoked...come on surprise me London and have some smoked fish and then BAM! There is was!
If this is the answer, I am going back down to the Tescos and I am buying the whole stores supply.
Now, If I can just find, a peppermint crisp, a cheery ripe, pumpkin soup and a big ol box of cheezels I will be the happiest Australian this side of Oxford Street.

Doctors

2010-03-02T23:06:00.000+11:00

Oh the doctors, how I hate you.
Why do you make me wait in your waiting room of death.
With old people that smell like wee and men with there ass hanging out.
I don't understand why I bother to make an appointment. I am here and ment to see the doctor at 10.45 it is now 10 past 11.
Whats the freaking hold up?
Is my time not important, cause news flash..it is!
I got a heap of shit I need to do today and I defo dont need to be sittng here waiting on a freaking doctor.
Why is that woman making that noise and why is she wearinng a bath towel on her head?
I guess you are sick and yes you are old but come on, we are in public. Act appropriatly please, and leave the towel at home.
And the guy next to me, does he not realise that his tapping his foot i can feel? We are on seats that are conected, of course i can feel it. If i wanted to feel it, i would tap my own foot.
Man, I hate waiting.
I would rather be doing a thousand and three other things than be waiting here.
Im going to Barcelona tomorrow but at this rate I wont get to go as ill still be sitting here waiting.
Waiting for my 10.45 appointment and its now 20 past 11.
Should I say something. Whats the point, they can't go any faster.
Stupid doctors and their shit time keeping.
A guy just went it who got here after me! What a freaking joke!
Im getting a new doctor for sure, one who can keep time. If i was 35 mins late im sure they wouldnt see me! Jerks, the lot of them. And to think of the diseases i have caught whilst waiting here.
Ill give it another 5 mins then im leaving, fact. If i die ill sie them, or some one else can, for leeping me waiting.
I am done. Freaking done.

V for Valentines day.

2010-02-16T05:55:00.002+11:00

They say the way to a mans heart is threw his stomach.
Well, the way to mine is threw gifts from Agent Provacatuer.

So if I am totally honest, I was not expecting anything for Valentines day, its early days and we are just hanging so thought I may get some wishes, and maybe a card, at a push.
I thought the fact that we were planing to see each other was kind of the gift.
Um, I was wrong.
Agent Provocateur is probably my favourite shop in the whole world and any man that buys me something form there is a man tha tI want to have around.
To say I was impressed is a massive under statement.
10 points for you buddy and whilst the gift is for me, obviously it is for your benefit and that is fine with me to.
Next time tough, I will have a back up card in my bag, cause I did feel a bit bad that I got him nothing..oh well.
It was a lush Valentines day with a lush man who has amazing taste.
I am done.

I love Valentines day

2010-02-13T05:14:00.000+11:00

I always have, its lovely and romantic and sweet and its great.
I don't get people when people say 'oh I don't like it , I don't celebrate it'.
Are you kidding?? Do you celebrate Christmas, Easter, Mothers Day, every other holiday or event that everybody else celebrates?
Yes, you do.
You are only saying you don't celebrate Valentines day cause you are bitter.
So what if you get nothing, it is still a nice day to be in love and show people that you love them.
If you don't have a partner , who cares, tell your friends, be in love with them or your family.
I am expecting absolutely nothing from the guy I am seeing, its early days and if he says the words 'Happy Valentines day' to me, that will make my day. No gift required, I want nothing. Just saying it will be lovely and I will say it to him to.
But, my bestie at work has a lush BF who she loves and he loves her back and they have a full on love fest going on.
Anyway, he is pulling out all the stops and its on the 12th...
So far today, he has sent her flowers to work, a card and got delivered some designer shoes that he picked out for her in her exact size, which were mega lush and also mega expensive.
Her response....'oh no, all I have got him is some bondage tape'...
Bless her, she is screwed, he is going to be spoiling her all weekend and she has got nothing to give back to him, well apart form the tape.
It was hilarious.
She has now gone to meet him and begin her activity filled love fest of a weekend.
The odds of him proposing are 2 :1
Valentines day, its the best.

I love a coincidence.

2010-02-09T05:02:00.002+11:00

Snap, buy me a coke and all that.
But serioulsy, Jarvis has got to stop following me.
I was at breakfast again on Saturday at the same place as 2 weeks ago and who strolls in like a dandy...Jarvis Cocker again!
Fair dues, the place does do a good breafast but its getting out of hand.
And also I love that his girlfriend/wife whatever is a red head and he fully gave me the eye to, he loves a ginger.
Jarvis,you are just way to cool.
Next time I see him, I am defo saying something.

Jarvis Cocker is cool.

2010-01-26T04:32:00.000+11:00

Way cool.
I have always liked Pulp and different Class is defo in my top ten favourite albums of all time.
On Saturday morning I was having some breakfast with my bitches and who walks in... non other than Jarvis Cocker.
Man he is cool.
He was with some friends and some kids and his kid.
He was all floppy hair and thick rimmed glass but just so achingly cool.
You can't compete with that level of coolness.
Technically, he is a massive nerd and a bit of a fruit cake but that just ads to the mystic of his radness.
Jarvis Cocker, you are my hero.
Also, if you have never heard the song Disco 2000 your life is not worth living so I strongly recommend you go listen to it right now. go.

My toe ring.

2010-01-22T03:14:00.001+11:00

A long time ago, about 5 years a girl I worked with gave my a toe ring.
She went to Bali and bought it back.
Its was plain and silver, and just a little ring to put around my toe.
But I put in on, and I have not ever taken it off.
Man, I love that toe ring.
I would look at it and think just how much I loved it and how happy in it my toe felt.
Last night... I took my sock off and toe ring was no more.
It had snapped off.
No idea how, but my toe was bear and out of my sock came to bits of what was once my ring.
Sad sad times.
Its been there, literally for years, I loved it, I wore it with pride and I thought it looked so good.
I am not the same person without it.
I am lost.
I am walking different.
I do not feel complete.
I feel naked and vulnerable without it.
What I would give to have that toe ring back.
My dear toe ring, all the way from Bali, that I wore with pride.
It had seen some good times and had many a grain of sand stuck under it.
My toe ring.
You completed me.
I am nothing without you.
My toe ring.

suit = hot

2010-01-21T03:02:00.001+11:00

I have recently had a few dates with a man, a real man.
He is a real grown up, with a big important job and an office and wears a suit.
And he is tall and looks like a proper man not the usual scabby losers I go for.
I meet him last night for dinner and he was all suit with fancy shoes, and tie and long black trench and he was wearing awesomely hot aftershave, I had a major moment when he walked in but managed to hold my shizzle together.
And he is polite and opens the doors and puts my jacket on and does all the other cool shit that men are supposed to do but never do.
He is lush, and tall and has a lovely smile and the suit, man can't stop thinking about the lush suit.
Hot.
I am done.

Red head men are not hot - that is a fact.

2010-01-14T23:42:00.002+11:00

But there are sometimes, and only sometimes, exceptions to rules.
In my time I have only ever know one hot ginger man, he was my friends brother and his name was James.
He was hot, tall and hot and ginger.
The only other hot ginger man on the face of the earth is Josh Homme.
He is so amazingly awesome and sexy I can not even think of words to properly describe his hotness.
I was listening to him growl his way through a few songs today and I died a little inside with love for his radness.
I saw him recently with his band and he was insanely mezmorising.
Now keep in mind his band includes Dave Grohl who is also a fine specimen of a hunk of man and still Josh Homme had me tranfixed on his every move.
He smoked a few cigarettes on stage and his blatant disregard for anti smoking laws was even sexy.
Then he did some kinda dancing along to a song that was more swaying than dancing and even that was brilliant.
I would like to marry Josh Homme, he clearly likes Australians as he married one so if they do not last I will be happily next in line.
I would risk the ginger kids as well, cause if we had a son and they were nearly as cool as him then I would be a happy lady.
Oh Josh Homme, and your growly sexy voice. What I would give for you to just call me and talk to me.
Mega swoon.

Heart = Broken

2010-01-14T06:07:00.000+11:00

I love men, always have, always will.
But I do not love the fact that the ones that I actually like and want something to do with, do not like me.
This stinks.
Why are the nutbags and mental patients all over it and want to spend their lives devoting themselves to me, and the sane normal ones that are fun and hot are not into it?
Why?
When will come the day that I meet a funny, clever, smart, hot man with a good personality that gets my jokes and he likes me as much as I like him.?
When?
When will this happen?
Cause the other day I read a star sign for the next decade and it said I would find love in 2018..
Are you freaking kidding me?!!?!?
I am not sitting around doing this shit for another 8 years.
I ain't getting any younger and lets be honest, any hotter.
So I hope that something gives in the next 12 months cause I am well over this shizzle.
Although, I did have a date last night which was rather good so see what happens there..he maybe the one..but then again, they all could be the one.

F**king losers, the lot of them.

Snowing big time.

2010-01-07T04:35:00.000+11:00

Like really snowing.
It is ok, but I will be honest, the novelty has just about worn off.
I mean snow is very pretty and its romantic but it is just glorified rain really.
Its cold and it makes you wet, so the fun in both those things is rather slim.
Also, the biggest gripe is what are you supposed to wear in the snow, I refuse to buy snow boots as I already have a million pairs of shows and I will only need them for the nest week or so.
So I am getting around town in my gum boots.
Yep, my green wellies that I bought for Glastonbury, and the ones that I do the gardening in. They are quite the versatile footwear choice I have found.
Also, I know this is a non brainer but buying clothes that are actually made from wool makes such a difference on the cold days.
I have a new winter coat that is 83% wool - not sure what the other 17% is but that 83% is nice and warm.
I also think I need a full time boyfriend now, am sick of the part time lovers that Stevie Wonder was singing about and I am ready for a full timer to be on my books, if not for the romance just to share some body heat, its well cold these London nights.

Stuff

2010-01-05T03:35:00.004+11:00

Well, its 2010.
A new year and a new start and all that.
2009 ended with out much fuss, Christmas was shit, as I had expected.
Really Grandma, why do you have to ask my again why I don't eat meat...does it really effect you? Is it going to make any freaking difference to your well being if I eat the meat or not?
No.
I didn't think so, so leave me alone and stop being such an old biddy.
And don't try to trick me to coming over to your house by saying you want to spend time with me but really you want me to clean out your glass cabinet.
You don't fool me grandma.

New year, on the other hand was tops.
Was by the sea side and that is always fun.
To say I was drunk would be the understatement of the decade, both this one and the last one.
I was hammered.
Something to do with the 5 bottles of champagne we drank before we even left the house.
There were tears (not mine), there were fights (jerk kebab man should know better than to over charge me), there was stealing of mirror balls and then a Congo line to get the mirror ball out of the club, then there was the long walk home, mirror ball under one arm, hot chips in the other. Good times all around.

So what does the new year hold for me..
Well, I would like a new job, so been applying for everything so I can leave my current job which is rather pants.
Id like a new house as my one is now getting on my nerves and I am at my absolute end with my flatmate, she is a retard.
Id like a boyfriend, who likes me like I like him, as the last one was going great but I just get the feeling that he was not into it like I was which sucks,.
I vow to eat more Lobster - I like saying things that I want to do and actually being able to do them, last year I wanted to wear Red lipstick and I did it so this years its Pinchy the Lobster for me.
I have recently become accustomed to Lobster and it is lush so I will eat more of it this year.
I am also having a cull of friends.
There are a few friends who have been specifically shit of late so they are gone, I am not going to put in the effort anymore if I get nothing back, my friendship is not a one way street. Fact.

So bring it on 2010, give me your worst and I will do my best.

a Letter to my ex boyfriend

2009-12-24T02:32:00.002+11:00

Dear ex boyfriend,

Why did you send me a Christmas card?
I don't understand you...
We broke up, you acted like a child and then you send me a Christmas card.
Why?
Do you think it will make me want to be with you again, cause the answer to that question is definitely ...NO
Why did you put a voucher from your shop in the card?
Do you really think Ill ever come into your shop?
Of course, I like free sh*t, everyone does but there is no way in hell I will ever come into your shop, cause..news flash... you will be there!
Seriously, you are weird.
And also, this really pisses me off because I like to have the last word and now you have done this, it is like you are having the last word.
I hate you.
Your a jerk.

Me
x

My Boss.

2009-12-22T01:10:00.002+11:00

I am in two minds about my boss.
Sometimes I love him, sometimes I hate him.
Today I love him.
I sit directly opposite him, and at times I want to stab him. He is loud, he swears, he is yelling, talks to everyone and can be mega annoying.
But the benefit of sitting opposite him is that he gets a lot of presents from various media owners (bribes basically) and if he gets something he does not want, or want for his wife then I get it.
There have been numerous bottles of champagne and today was a corker..I £100 voucher for ASOS! Woop freaking woop!!
I am going for boots, new leather boots or maybe a jacket, a wool coat for winter.
This is ace.
He is defo in my good books today, my boss. Who today I love, last week I could not stand but today is brilliant.

Also, I would like to give a shout out to my new friend who I will call Joe. He thinks he can search the internet and find my blog..good luck to him.
But my dear Joe, if by some stroke of luck you have managed to find me, then well done I will buy you a drink to celebrate and I'd take this opportunity to tell you that I think your awesome.

x

Done.

2009-12-18T00:09:00.001+11:00

I am slowing dying from a hang over.
That free bar gets me every time.
I can only speak in short sentences.
Last night, my boss made out with the receptionist.
I feel special.
And not in a good way.

Snow sucks

2009-12-17T01:51:00.002+11:00

It is snowing right now.
I am at my desk and I can see snow.
It is nice I guess, its winter and it makes it feel wintery...but really...I am wearing Jimmy Choos and they don't work in the snow.
What am I supposed to do.
I cant go outside in them, I can't risk getting them ruined and wet.
I will have to take them off and go out in my socks with no shoes.
Id rather get frost bite that ruin these shoes.
Stupid snow, making my footwear seem impracticable when they are so hot and sexy.

Mexico = best holday ever

2009-12-12T03:11:00.002+11:00

I am reluctantly back form Mexico after a week of sun and tropical good times.
Nothing like 30 degrees days and good friends to make you have a brilliant holiday.
There was a wedding to attend and it was beautiful, I cried a bit but hid it behind dark glasses and a hat and I think beach weddings are the way forward, no need to worry about your feet getting sore in high heels, if its on the beach, no shoes required!
We stayed is a lush resort with a bath tub that I nearly drowned in after a few to many Pina Colades and then stayed is a sweet Cabana right on the beach.
I ate more Guacomole that is probably advisable and the lose jeans I wore over where a snug fit when I put them back on when I landed in Gatwick which was shitty and cold and raining and not very welcoming.

Below is a summary of the weeks events:

Hours slept on plane over when sitting next to a screaming child - 0
Pina Colades drunk whilst is a pool - 5
Pina Colades drunk whilst not in a pool - to many to count
Norwegian kite surfers that my room mate went skinny dipping with - 1
Times that someone tried to buy drugs that turned out to be washing powder - 2
Times that a child vomited and got me a little - 1
Hangovers - 1 bad one and two mild ones
Times we took our clothes off and went dancing in the rain - 1 (with out the clothes taking off bit)
Men skinny dippy at the wedding reception - 1
Tears at wedding ceremony - heaps
Times we heard La Bamba - to many to count
1st time ever in my life that I ordered lobster - 1
Piñatas of Santa that the children beat the crap out of - 1
Weddings - 1
Birthdays - 1

Was muchos funnos (that is Mexican) and I want to go back , stat. La Vida Loco is the only way to live, that Ricky was defo on to something.

Nerves

2009-11-26T03:28:00.003+11:00

I got the nerves, the 1st date nerves.
After years of this dating capper I still manage to tie myself up in knots when I got a date to go to.
It is with a friend of a friend and he is hot. Not my usual kind weird hot, but real hot.
He is also smart so I will have to read the Times and the Independet before I meet him to brush up on my current events as I don't think Perez Hilton and the Daily Mail celeb column will be suitable conversation starters.
Hmm..nerves. Go away.

When I grow up..

2009-11-21T02:57:00.003+11:00

I wanted to be lots of things when I was little, I remember wanting to be a fireman..not sure why, then I wanted to be a vet for about 2 seconds till I realised that you had to put animals down and then that idea was scrapped.
I wanted to be a hair dresser for ages and still do a bit as I love playing with hair and I also wanted to make bags, lots of bag.
But the thing I wanted to be the most and still do is to be a Victoria's Secret angel.
Seriously.
Have you seen these women.
They are the most hottest, most sexy, most beautiful creatures alive and the shows, oh my the shows.
Every year, I am hanging to see the shows, I love it all.
The clothes, the under ware, the shoes, the music , the wings.
It is all amazing.
I don't have a particular favorite angel, Heidi Klum is killer and after 1000 children she still looks incredible. I love that Aussie Miranda Kerr is in there and there is a new one, Rosie Huntington Whitely something who is from England and is gorgeous.
They are all amazing, why can't I be one of them?
How do I get that job, to be an angel.
I want to be mega hot, with a banging body, and get to strut around with glitter and big wings on a giant catwalk and have lovely wavy shiny hair.
Seriously, tough gig for the angels.
Here I am making media plans...what a joke.

I love shoes, I also love bags.

2009-11-19T00:47:00.001+11:00

So when Jimmy Choo decided to do a one off line with H&M I knew I was going to be in trouble.
After much wrangling and some weight throwing around, I got myself a few tickets and last Friday was the launch.
The line out the front of 2000 people was massively offensive so I decided that I had waited long enough for this event that I was not waiting in no stinking line in the rain so I had to do what I do best and blag my way in. I might of said I work at Vogue but hey, it worked a treat and we got in and didn't have to wait in the rain with everyone else.

So 2 hrs, a few champagnes and a lot of money latter, I know have 5 pairs of Jimmy Choos, a Jimmy Choo bag, a necklace and 3 bracelets..

Then the rest of the weekend was spent trying on different outfits with my new shoes, prancing about a taking photos of my feet and generally falling in love with myself from the ankles down.
I have the bag with me today and its lush, makes me feel special inside.
Due to the weather the shoes have not made it out of their boxes yet but when they do and the minute some one asks where they are from...I will die, I will die for that minute.
Oh, its good to have shoes, and bags, and general stuff.

Another year older,and maybe, a little wiser, maybe.

2009-11-10T05:04:00.000+11:00

The birthday this year was quite a low key affair, I think I over did my self at Halloween.
I had some nice stuff, 2 breakfasts, 2 dinners, and lots of lush cocktails and a few glasses of champagne and some dancing. Some shopping and some quality time with rad friends.
Also got a few good gifts, a book, a necklace, some make-up and a ring, which was cool cause I had been into this shop only yesterday and tried it on and thought it was lovely, but was going to wait till next pay day to get it...my friend had no idea but had bought it for me already, love when stuff like that happens.
I did lots of stuff since the last birthday so see what the next twelve months has in store, I feel they will be mucho busy and productive.
Watch this space.

T'was, the best of times, the hang over was the worst of times.

2009-11-04T05:27:00.002+11:00

I had a a massive Halloween party at my house on Saturday night and it was immense.
It was good good times, lots of people, lots of drinking, lots of dancing in my lounge, lots of good costumes and lots of fake blood.
It all wrapped up at about 7pm, where I found myself in my lounge room surrounded by filth which took a good 4 hours to clean up and resulted in 10 bags of empty bottles and cans the next day for the garbage men.
To say I was hung over the next day, would be the understatement of the decade and having scrub the dirt out of the carpets didn't help the situation of being faced with a tin of salsa that some one had put a cigarette out in...pure class my friends.
best costume - is a tie between Alex and the incredible Hulk and Chris as a Zombie.
Till next year, and I am going to make this an annual event, but there is a rule, no green body paint next year as it is a bitch to get off the walls!

Dumpsville. Population you.

2009-10-30T23:50:00.002+11:00

Breaking up is never fun.
It generally sucks for all parties involved.
So last night I broke it off with my BF. I just was not feeling it and was not into it any more so it had to end.
I have been dumped before and it sucks the big one so I was not looking forward to it and I have done some dumping in my time but it does not get any easier.

But then, I love when you do break up with people that as soon as it is done, there true colours show and you start to see exactly how much of an idiot they are and that then confirms any doubts that you had about maybe you were a bit harsh.

This is what has happened.
I called him to break it off -admittedly not the nicest way to welcome anyone to dumpsville but hey, I just needed to do it and I was not ready to do it at my Halloween party so the phone was the only option.
I said, id like to meet up next week to talk face to face etc, he said ok, he would see.
Then I get to work and go on facebook just to see what he is up to and he has deleted me - way to go douche bag, Cause for the record, (apart from 3) I am friends with everyone I have ever dated, I see no point in ending it badly. But guess he does not want to be friends, or at least pretend to be friends.

Then to top it all off, he has sent my best friend a friend request - um hello, what part of you thinks that she would..
A. Not tell me
B. Add you as a friend
C . Want anything to do with you know I have broken up with you, its not like you were friends!

Man, why does this always happen to me, why do they always turn out to be such jerks!
I rang him to have a massive go at him but surprise surprise, no answer.
Seriously what game is he trying to play, cause if he is trying to piss me off, then mission accomplished!

So after 3 /4 months, it turns out he is a pathetic loser who wants to act like a child. Funny that as he told me he loved me and wanted to take me home for Christmas...what a dork.

Every f**king monkey this side of Soho...

2009-10-30T04:38:00.002+11:00

I often wonder if my job is suited to me. I do tend to hate it at times and the following link is a brilliant summary of some of the sh*t that I deal with every day, in and out.

Really, I was crying watching this, as it is so true. So sad, but so true.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6C_ZvbBkzi0

A match made in heaven.

2009-10-21T04:18:00.003+11:00

Now, I don't like either of these people but together I think they would be amazing. And this one time, Katy Perry leant on my as she walked past and apologised. Me 1 , Katy 0.

He likes women.
She is a woman.
He has brown hair.
She has brown hair.
She has kissed girls (apparently)
He has kissed plenty of girls.
He likes himself a lot.
She also likes herself a lot.

It will be perfect, I hope they are together for ever and they get married and have like a thousand babies.
No really, I think they are brilliant together so I wish them all the best but 50 bucks its over before the clocks go back.

Bad times & Good times

2009-09-30T03:48:00.001+10:00

I am not a massive fan of hot drinks as I always burn my mouth by drinking it when it is still to hot.
How are you supposed to gauge if it is hot, really hot, or burn the crap out of your throat hot...usually I get the last option and end up with an ulcer on my tongue the size of Pluto.
Hot drinks are not really my thing.
In the U or K this is not very common, they all love a hot drink over here.
I do quite enjoy a herbal tea though and will sacrifice the risk of a mouth burn for the calming effect of say Chamomile or the refreshing zing of ginger.
Today, I made a tea of the Chamomile variety and had to dash off to a meeting, so came back and sat down and took a sip of what I tough was lovely hot tea..it was not.
It was stone cold, and really there is nothing worst.
Cold tea sucks.
It is horrible and it made me spit it out all over the place, which does not bode well in a open plan office and it basically ruined my day - This was bad times.

After a day off I came to work to day to find a a pile of crap on my desk.
It always amazes me that you take one day off and the mail guy thinks it is just a free for all and chucks your mail where ever the f*ck he wants.
Seriously, stuff was strewn everywhere.
Amongst the magazines and piles of junk, was a lovely little white plastic bundle all the way from the land down under.
A package of care from my sister...oh how sweet it is to receive a care package.
Full of lovely Australian things that I missed and that you can get here.
Seriously, if I had know that you could not get smoked Tuna in this country I probably would not of moved here.
The other Aussie who sits near me was mega jealous and has since emailed her brother to send her something in the email as you see, a care package is good on many levels, it is mail which is always fun to receive, it is from a foreign land, which is also exciting and it is filled with nice things.
A little piece of home in the post - This was good times

Yabba Dabba Do!!

2009-09-24T00:28:00.002+10:00

So yesterday went to fashion week, it was full of idiot fashion students and losers who try way to hard to be different.
The show was a joke...the inspiration was...The Flintstones...
Seriously, a 4 year old could of designed a better range of clothing.
Anyway, there were celebs there, which was awesome.
Check out the pictures...that is Lady Victoria Hervey, some b grade royal celeb with to much chest on show and hang on..who is that behind her, with the red hair that you can just see and the brown glassed...oh yes..that is me.
I win.

Dates are awesome

2009-08-28T01:40:00.003+10:00

I have had a heap of dates in my time, I have been to dinner, to the movies, to the beach, to the cinema, to drinks.
I have done crosswords in Maisy's with hot chocolate at 4am.
I have had good, bad and indifferent dates. 1st dates are definitely the best, I dont get nervous I just get excited.
I have done heaps of dates in my time and this Friday I have a date with a filthy hot man.
He has said he would pick me up.
In Sydney this was the norm and no suprise but I am in London now.
What will he pick me up in?
His arms, a wheel barrow, a car, a skate board maybe a bike... I am interested to see what sort of transportation a person has in central London cause I will be honest in the 2.7 years I have been here I have not once been 'picked up ' by any one.
Once me and a man agreed to get on the same bus as we lived on the same route, the no 8, it didn't work out.
I will report back with details as they come to hand.

Oh no..

2009-08-11T21:05:00.003+10:00

It had all gone a bit quite on the mental house mate front latety and I thought we had dealt with all the issues and we were moving on..apparently not..

Check out this amazing email that me and other flatmate received today:

Hiya,
I hope you all had good weekends......
It didn't look like the bath had been cleaned this weekend, so I just gave it a scrub tonight...Dave, I can show you what stuff to use for cleaning etc. if you're not too sure?
Also pulled out a horrible clump of hair from the drain again.... ;o(
Cheers
Sx

Oh dear.
She is really mental.
We were all getting along so well, we had a roster on the fridge we were all cleaning and pitching in and it was great, then she has to go do that.
The winky sad face is possibly the gayest thing I have ever seen and what is with all the '.....' There are way to many dots in there, it is 3 dots max, not 6, idiot.

The thing I love the most is that is was written at 11.58 last night, get a freaking grip. Then, get a job, get a boyfriend, get some friends and get a life.

Today I am massively home sick, and it sucks.

2009-08-08T00:09:00.000+10:00

Not sure what has bought this sickness on, think it is a combination of things, it will pass but I am in a deep funk and I got to get out.
So to make things better, I am seeing some Australian friends tonight, that will be good.
Then on Sunday, I am baking lamingtions, it will be massively hard but I am determined to eat a Lamington and Ill be damned if I can find them in this city so I am baking them myself.
But today...to alleviate the pain, I went to the Australian store.
I have never been, but I have found my new favourite place. It is full of awesome Australian food, stuff I didn't know I messed till I saw it there with astronomical prices.
Aeroplane jelly, Allens Lollies, Pizza shapes, even Libra Fluer tampons...who knew you could miss a box of tampons, well I do miss them now!!
I bought half the shop, including Cherry Ripes, Peppermint Crisps, Golden Roughs, Mint Patties, Cheezels, Twisties and a Summer Roll. Man I love a Summer Roll. I am going to spend the weekend in junk food heaven. I just ate a Cherry Ripe and it bought a tear to my eye.

Hotness on the street

2009-08-05T20:52:00.003+10:00

I can not upload a photo because this blogger is being gay...but...
I just stood and watch Colin Farrell filming a movie out side my work.
HE IS HOT.
They are filming for a few days and I will be spending a lot of time outside the office.
The security guy said Keira Knigthly is also in the film so she might make an appearance as well. I am not to fussed about her, but Colin..my my my.
As we were standing there deciding if it was really him or not, I said it was, Anita said it wasn't he turned around and looked at us.
I nearly died.

holidays = good times

2009-07-23T04:50:00.000+10:00

I went to Spain for a festival in Benicassim and it was BRILLIANT.
Spain, is defo my favourite country to visit and I have since looked into moving there, I think a few Spanish Lessons and I will be fine.
We went for 5 days of just pure awesomeness.
Music, pool, beach, drinks, paella, sun, beach, sleeping, hot men and dancing.
There was also a massive bush fire and a wind storm that was 75kms a hour and a stage got blown away and the site evacuated and the bands cancelled but it was still the best time ever.
We nearly did not make it home due to stupid hotel not booking our cab like we asked and only made our train as it was late otherwise we would of been stuck there like our friend who missed her connecting train and had to sleep in the airport and come home the next day...bad times.
I had way to much fun, now am experiencing massive Spanish withdrawals and also have a rubbish cold.
One of the girls that I was with has swine flu so I may also have that, way to ruin a great time.

Do you have plans for the weekend?

2009-07-11T03:06:00.002+10:00

I hate this question.

I get asked this questions all the freaking time, every freaking Friday.
Unless you are asking me out on a date I don't want to hear it.
And really what does it matter what I have planned.
What happens if my plans involve doing nothing, if the highlight of my weekend will be sleeping on my couch after eating an Vegetable Biriyani cause lets be honest, that sounds like a great night to me.
Every time my phone rings I get the hi, how are you blah blah blah, what are your plans for the weekend?
Seriously I have had enough.
Sometimes I make things up, like I will say, I am going to Cuba for a Pina Colada then I will get the next flight back.
Who are you to know that that is not real?
Or I once said, I am putting up Christmas decorations. It was June.
But what if I was, what if I really liked decorations and wanted to put them up really early?
I have massive hate for this question.
I also have massive hate for the question I get every Monday.
What did you do on the weekend?
Is it your business?
No.
Do you really care?
No.
If I told you that I swam with a grey nurse shark, then rally drove through the North of Africa would you believe me?
Who are you to tell me I didn't do that?
I know people are being polite and that that is just what you are meant to do but in my ideal world it would got like this...
''Ring ring
Hello...hi..ok so lets talk business''
Non of the BS.
Less chit chat more straight to the point.
That is how I roll.

Wagon wheels

2009-07-01T03:55:00.003+10:00

I love wagon wheels, it is in my top three of things that I would choose if I could choose any kind of chocolaty snack, I would also chose a cherry ripe or a peppermint crisp but that is another story.
So wagon wheels remind me of good times.
No good time in particular but I don't think I have ever not enjoyed a wagon wheel.
I guess it can be linked to why I like Monaco bars so much, they are both biscuit based, with chocolate and other stuff.
Wagon wheels as I remember are round biscuits (hence the wheel bit) and they are dipped in chocolate, with a marshmallow bit in them and some jam.
Now, it had been a while since I had the pleasure of consuming one of these lovely treat but that is how I remember them, good times with biscuit, chocolate, marshmallow and jam that is what I remember.
So today, there where wagon wheels in the fridge at work. Why, I don't know but I grabbed one all the same.
So I tear it open and take a bite.
WTF.
Where is the jam.
There was no jam.
I asked my co worker who informed me that they never had jam.
Really?
I really do remember there being jam, it was jam and they marshmallow stuff, together that is why it was so good.
So I did some research, there was never any jam.
The Internet never lies, so now I am puzzled as to why I thought there was jam.
I am disappointed and let down.
All my good memories of eating wagon wheels have now gone to pot and I vow to never eat another one, unless it has jam in it.
I don't even really like jam, but I want it in my wheel.
I think this calls for a letter, a serious letter to Arnotts and some questions need to be answered, I am also going to request that they make a wagon wheel with jam, they can call it, the 'Wagon wheels with jam'.
Also, the ads on TV with the slugs or snails or whatever they were, they were hiccuping....
'Hic, le wagon wheel, hic le wagon wheel'...
Good times - ruined.

Blood = boiling

2009-06-18T06:18:00.002+10:00

I have decided to move out, I have no idea where I will move to but I can not put up with the shit that I am currently dealing with for any longer.

Exhibit A:

Hi there,

I know Dave is away this weekend, but we really need to give the house a proper clean...as I feel I've been doing it off and on now for a few months, and we still haven't got around to agreeing about a cleaning rota, It gets to level of dirtiness I can't stand, and so find myself having to do it again and again.
(sorry to moan, I know it's so boring. I'm just really fed-up ;o(
My old flat-mates and I cleaned together and got it done in 30 mins or so, which isn't so depressing as doing it on your own, and you get more done faster.
Could we do it together this weekend/evening Dan? Saturday morning-ish is always better for me, as I just like to get it out of the way...and enjoy the rest of my weekend.
We could get it done quickly in an hour or so, like we did months ago?
SO SORRY for long email, and sounding like a broken/moaning record, we never seem to really talk about this, or sort anything out. /rant over.... ;o)
Cheers
S x

Ok, so you are a gay bitch, and you are right.It is boring and you are moaning and ranting and the fact you put a freaking wink on the email makes you lamer than lame.

So I reply:

I am not sure what I am up to this Saturday so may not be around/awake.
We are never going to find a date that the 3 of us can do this so lets just split it.
This weekend, I will do the kitchen and the lounge, if you want to do the bathroom?
Then , I will write on the calendar our names so each weekend we take turns in doing the whole house and we can do it at time that suits.

D

Which I think was a pretty straight forward response..apparently not.

EXHIBIT B:

Hi there
I'm also not sure what I'm up to on Sat, and I'm not suggesting we do it early morning....but I guess we all have-to make certain compromises....
Hardly any cleaning has been done over the last few months, so it's not much to ask really...
Sorry, I'm feeling really fed-up as I feel I have-to make compromises....when I also want to go out and enjoy the weekends with my friends as much as I can too..
Of course people should clean at a time that suits....it can be whenever doesn't have-to be weekends.....but up until now no-one has, the place just gets more and more dirty and because I can't bear it anymore, I find myself having to do it.
When I got back from Wales on Monday evening a few weeks back, the place was grim and I found myself having to vacuum throughout, and clean the bathroom.
Certainly not something I felt like doing, I was peeved no-one had bothered to do anything ...and to be honest with you, it's like that almost every weekend...
I don't want to live like this anymore, taking showers in a grimy bath, sitting in a messy lounge, etc....it's horrible.
We need to write down exactly what needs doing, as no-one vacuums the stairs, or washes the dirty floors but me....so a full-list would make it more fair....
S x

Ok, so I am still at work, I am dreading going home because heaven help me from completely loosing my sh*t at her when I see her whining face.
The thing I love the most is that she has to justify that she will also be out on Saturday as she is soooo popular and has sooo many friends.
What a fruit cake, this stupid woman.
Here is a thought, if you can not live like this, then MOVE OUT!!!

P.S my house is not dirty, my flatmate is a freak with serious OCD.

Major Grrr..

2009-06-11T02:12:00.000+10:00

London is great, but it can also be massively shit at times.
Heaven forbid something really bad would happen cause as soon as there is a problem the whole city comes to a stop.
Like the time it snowed and you could get nowhere so the whole city closed and we built snow men in the park.
Well, today there is a tube strike, great.
It is going to be on for 3 days. T
hey have not told me why they are striking, I am really not sure that any one knows, all I know is that is is a major inconvenience and a huge pain in my ass.
Today, to get to work, I walked.
It took me and hour and a half. Me, Claire and the rest of East London walking along.
Tonight, I have to get a boat to get the Greenwich and then tomorrow I have to walk again to get to my training..I looked it up on street map, at a fast pace it says it will take me 2 hours.
What a flipping joke.

In other news, going to Britney Spears tonight!

Major lameness

2009-06-05T01:25:00.002+10:00

My flatmate is lame.
This is not new news, she has been a pork chop for a long time, but every now and gain she bugs me so hard.
This is the email I was sent today...

Hi there,
Just wanted to let you both know a Siemens person came to replace ourfaulty Gas meter today. And he has turned the gas off as he said hecould see ;leakage' on the wall. Paul is coming around tomorrow at 8amto look at this and hopefully switch it back on again!
Also, just wondering if anyone fancies doing a bit of cleaning with meover the weekend?? The place is just bit grotty and dirty, just wouldbe good if we all got together to do it.The windows are disgusting, blah blah blah...and I pulled out thebiggest 'hair ball' out of the bath the other evening I was nearllysick....eugh
ThanksS x

Really,get a life.

There is no freaking way that I am joining in on any group cleaning activity.
What are we supposed to all wear denim overalls and climb ladders and listen to the radio??
I have no plans for the weekend but now I am making some.

She also wants to introduce a roster..a cleaning roster.
If I introduced a roster it would be as follows..clean up your own sh*t.

I refuse to be told that I have to clean on a certain day. I also now that If I do not stick to my day, I will hear all about it.
I vote no on proposition 'clean the house as a team' and I also vote no on proposition 'lets get a cleaning roster'.

black pants stink

2009-05-15T03:29:00.002+10:00

And when I say pants, I mean trousers, cause over here in London they think I mean knickers when I say pants..I don't.
I had a meeting today and I have worn black pants and I have hated them all day long and am dying to get home to take them off and through them in the bin.
I am making a deal with myself to never ever ever wear black pants ever again.
Seriously, it is not that the pants are bad, it is just the idea of them.
Black pants instantly mean uniform and I am not down for that at all.
When I worked in bars and restaurants I worn black pants and hated it then and now if I go to a meeting I have to whip out the black pants and it really hurts my feelings.
I hardly wear them as my office is pretty casual and they embrace my laid back threads and I would never normally don the black pants but I have a stupid new client who is 'business' and apparently jeans are not appropriate.
Please.
Jean are the most versatile, appropriate item of clothing ever made.
You can wear jeans with flats, high heels, boots, things, shirts, t shirts, tank tops what ever and they look good.
You can wear them on holiday, to work, to the shops, to the park, anywhere.
I love jeans I always have, I live in them.
I would not take them off if I didn't have to wash.I want to get married in jeans and I will be buried in jeans in a denim lined coffin.

My mum told me once that when I was little I saw some program on TV about genetics and asked her after what genes were as I didn't really understand, so she explained it to me and said I took it in and nodded and walked away.
A while later I came back and said I had a question for her about genes. She said Ok and waited for my thoughts and questions...I said, That if both me and my sister got both mum and dads jean, could I have dads jeans because I like his Levis the best and would rather have them.

Gold.

Helena Christienson, Jerry Springer, Hillary Swank, Marissa Tomei, Keanu Reeves and me.

2009-05-12T02:46:00.001+10:00

So, I am back from New York city...it is celebrity heaven!
I was just going for a casual stroll down the street and Helena walks past with her friends. Man, that is one skinny woman. Then Jerry Springer was sitting next to me and a ball game in Central park.
My friend was served after Marissa Tomeii at the chemist. Hillary Swank took the last table at the cafe we were trying to get into and Keanu Reeves gave me the eye as I was walking down the street - he is dead set following me, starting to creep me out.

NYC is one massive city, there is a heap of stuff to do, and I pretty much did all of it.

I went to the Met, the MOMA and the Guggenheim. I went up the Rockafella building to see the view. Central Park, 5th Avenue, Times Square, 42nd street. China town, Little Italy, Nolita, the West Village, the East village, Upper east side, lower East side, Uptown & Down town and everything in between.
Crossed the Brooklyn bridge - I now know what it feels like to be the only white girl walking down the street. Went on a boat to see the statue of Liberty, was the biggest let down since finding out that Mr Big's name was John.
Hung out in a few trendy cafe's,ate cupcakes - which are everywhere, read the New York Times, drank cocktails, ate amazing food and had some horrendous hang overs.

One of the killer moments was going to a 30th birthday in the Penthouse of a new hotel in the Lower East side = cool. Then ended up at some club in the meat packing district that was so new it hadn't even properly opened yet...apparently Sting and Kate Hudson and a few other massive stars where there...no idea, didn't see them, was to busy drinking the free French champagne to notice.

All up, it was a crazy, busy, exciting, and wet as the weather was consistently sh*t.
I have done a fair few plane journeys in my time but I have never had jet lag as horrendous as I had coming back. I have spent the last 3 days in bed and I am still tired. I don't think Ill ever wake from the funk it is either jet lag or swine flu, I can't decide.

The Big Apple

2009-04-30T03:07:00.000+10:00

I am going to New York tomorrow, I am well excited.
I have been wanting to go since I was 15 years old and I have a list of things to do that takes up 4 pages - no joke.
I spoke to my friend who lives there and she warned me that is is the norm to tip 20%, which is not going to work for me at all.
I hate tipping, I have worked in many bar, restaurant, cafe establishments and whilst I appreciated the tip, I never expected it. So if anyone has a go at me, which I have heard they do, I will have no problem giving them a big ol piece of my mind.
NYC here I come, with a big empty suitcase and a shopping list of American candy and rip off designer hand bags.
Woop!

Dieting sucks.

2009-04-28T03:41:00.003+10:00

There is nothing fun about being on a diet.
But I want to shed some of the tub, so I have decide to go on a diet.
Nothing to full on, but I have to not eat bad food no more.
This is of course, not fun.
I bought a book and it told me that lettuce, fruit and oily fish were my new best friends.
Lettuce, it is nice, it is fresh, it comes in lots of different types but lets be honest here. There is nothing great about it.
Fruit, yes it is nice. I like fruit alot but there is only so much fruit I can possible eat. Fruit for breakfast, fruit as a snack , fruit for a dessert. It is all to much.
Oily fish. By the en of it I might be skinny but no one will want to talk tome as I will have cat breath.
And no chocolate or chips or lollies. I am not the biggest eater of these but the fact that I can not have them now makes me want them more than I have ever wanted before.
My typical diet menu goes like this - Bran flakes with soy milk for breakfast....then air for a snack, some water. Tuna on rye bread with a water for lunch and some more air in the afternoon and a green tea and for dinner it is freaking salad and oily fish.
Seriously.
I want to eat my hand.
I will give it another week of this total B.S till I can no longer stand the rumbling of the empty pit that used to be my stomach and Ill go out and eat a bowl of pasta as big as my head with cake to wash it down.
Stupid diet.
Stupid skinny friends.

Fact

2009-04-25T02:42:00.000+10:00

I heard an interesting fact today.
I am not sure if I believe it necessarily, but it is quite worth while.
A girl at work told me that if you do something 21 times in the same way it becomes a habit.
So does that mean, that if you smoked 20 cigarettes it would not be a habit?
I am not sure.
Anyway, I have started doing sit ups in the morning as I am planning on wearing a bikini this summer and the current status is not so great.
Sit ups are hard work, especially when you have not done any since about 1997.
But I have done them every day this week, I think they might even be getting easier.
So 16 more days of this and it will be part of my morning ritual like brushing my teeth and checking I have turned my hair straighter off 3 times before I leave the house.