Attack of the stupid house mates

So housemate number 1 is being a mental case - no news there...she is hiding her tooth paste again so I don't use it.
Please, when will she learn!
When she does this it only encourages me to clean the toilet with her tooth brush.

Housemate no 2 who is usually perfect and great for doing man stuff like killing mice and taking out heavy trash bags had a massive fail last night.
He 'lost' his keys and wallet, when I say 'lost' I mean he left them in a bag at the gym and someone stole them.
So last night was spent fearing for our life while waiting for robbers to enter our house rob us.
Luckily this did not happen and we now have new locks so we are again safe.

Tonight, what am I doing you ask...
Well going home to spit in her toothpaste as I know where she hides it and then I'll have an argument with him over why I am not paying to get new keys cut...sorry champ but was not me that left my brain behind and lost all my stuff!